I want to write and tell stories.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


I am heading to a doctor this afternoon, a specialist in fact(he better be an extremely skilled specialist in fact) to discuss the snip.

So I thought that might be amusing to blog about. Yes, go straight to the dick jokes and you can't go wrong, generally. So, I thought I would see if these particular doctors have an important sounding name.

They may have, I gave up after the first article linked in the google response. I have posted the first thing I read below:

"If you want to locate a doctor who performs no-scalpel vasectomies"

Excuse me? WTF squared!

What the hell do they use if it is not a scalpel?

A spoon?
Two bricks?
You walk in, he kicks you in the nuts and says thanks that''ll be $200 bucks?

I did not research any further.

That's just scary...

UPDATE: Can I just make a small suggestion to all doctors? Can we get some sort of standard in place were a patient gets at least 60 seconds in the office before his pants are around his ankles and his scrotum is being scrunched?

I mean, really, is that too much to ask. A couple of how's the family, football was good on the weekend, rain would be helpful. I don't think I'm asking too much.

You could mention you were the doctor who has won a number of game shows like who wants to be a millionaire. Yes! That doctor is going to be my bestest friend next Thursday, which will now be known and celebrated as V-Day.

He should also turn down the air-conditioning, in that job, cold hands should not be allowed!
PS got an email tonight, a group wants me down the coast for an interview next week. If this came off it would be hilarious. You'll get the joke later, but lets just say it has everything to do with monkeys.


At 3:12 pm, Blogger A. M. said...

They tie 'em up w/ a piece of thread?? Just a wild guess re: reversible vasectomies. Let us know how it goes!

I know most men are chickens (softy to macho, doesn't matter. CHICKENS!) scared of the procedure and worried about "losing their manhood" - even though vasectomies are such small procedures. And compared to what women go through, what risks to their health they take to prevent a pregnancy (breast cancer just being one) .... it puts men to shame. Really.

So - good for you Grubber for being a real man and becoming a real partner in sharing responsibilities. Power to you! Amen.

At 1:00 am, Blogger Bill Cunningham said...

Just don't laugh while they're doing it.

I had a hernia repaired - If I can survive that you can survive the snip.

Oh, vicodin and a bag of frozen peas will see you through.

At 3:20 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck with it. It'll be a few years but I'll be doing the same as you when my time comes.

Just make sure you don't want any more. My dad just had another bunch of little ones with his new wife. Apparently it was all pretty painful. I don't know too many details, didn't want to know.

At 4:17 pm, Blogger mernitman said...

you are indeed a brave lad and (ouch) i kind of feel your pain.

At 8:56 pm, Blogger Grubber said...

Hey AM, no, could not be that type of bloke who winces at two little cuts and a few stitches and turns around and expects wifey to have half her guts ripped out for the same result. Really poor form there. :)

Bill, I ain't laughing now, well not too much...okay, some of it has made me giggle, but I get pethidine before he starts slicing and dicing so I should be okay and yes, going to stock up on the frozen peas.

Anon, no, have two already, that is enough, even if god forbid something happened.

Billy, unless you have had your scrotum scrunched lately, I don't think it is the same pain :) but thank you for the thoughts.

I'll post from the frozen foods section next :)

At 12:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you're not circumsized I hear they throw that in for an extra $29.99

At 6:19 am, Blogger Chris (UK Scriptwriter) said...

Hi there,

Nice to see you are still around. After a 4 month break it would seem a few of us have fallen off the web. Nice to see you are still here.

Time to get my head into my blogroll and do some catching up.




At 3:38 pm, Blogger Patrick J. Rodio said...

I had my balls sliced a few years ago, on Valentine's Day, no less. It was a pretty weird experience.

I'm laying on the table, they pull the sheet aside to reveal my Johnny Thomas (acting like a turtle trying to hide in its shell - it knew what was about to happen). This air conditioning vent is blowing on me making it even smaller, hot nurse walks in and I just sigh.

Doc says it'll just pinch, the first NEEDLE sucked big time, what a horrible, horrible feeling. But after that passed the actual procedure went smoothly.

And honestly, it only took a couple days before ol' Johnny was back in action. Well, carefully in action.

Rumor has it that chicks go through much worse when they spit out kids, so they say, so it was the least I could do.

At 10:34 pm, Blogger Grubber said...

Valentines Day? Your wife couldn't get you a set of steak knives instead? :)

I agree, least we can do, and luckily my doctor gives pethidine(want to write some of the script whacked on that!) before that needle. Thank god.

It's winter here, so I wont be out to impress :)

At 7:23 pm, Blogger oneslackmartian said...

I had my doctor use a Voodoo doll.


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