I want to write and tell stories.

Monday, October 31, 2005

stuff & more stuff

First thing, cleaned up my links a bit, made them a bit more user friendly, been wanting to do that for a while. There are a HEAP of links of SW sites that I want to put in, so if by some small chance you actually read this site, and your link is not there, don't despair, it will turn up....eventually.

Just practicing procrastination....enjoy my study.

Next, I was hanging over at www.wga.org checking out their new pretty site, check it out if you have the time.....and found this page, the TV Market, it contains contact details at what seems to be a lot of (if not all, I just don't know all the American shows) the major TV shows.....so if you are a TV speccie person, this may be of help, not sure as I have not really looked into the TV field myself.(and yes, I know that sounds delusional, as it infers I am totally confident on the possibility of a feature spec sale in the future...just wanted to let you know, I know, that you know.....well you know....)


Any other overseas feature spec writers have this happen to them?

You are proof reading after getting a little rush going, and you have spat out 2-3 pages, and you find yourself, taking out your local slang and whatnot? The over the top stuff, (e.g. g'day would not just slip through) but rather the spelling or meaning of a common words or everyday slang....one good thing is, the spell checker is normally of the US variety so that takes care of most common words at least, you just see a page with red over it for a while.

I posted this story in the comments on JD's site
as he was looking for things to do.

Scuba diving or swimming will not be high on the list.

That first paragraph of the story nearly sounds like a logline for a pitch, and we have all read worse ones . ;-)
One of the greatest experiences on earth.

You come home, and your second child who is 19mths old, and learning to talk,surprises you by running across the kitchen yelling

"Dadeeeee Dadeeeee Dadeeee" for the first time ever.

Good stuff.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Future of Low Cost Film Making

Again, I bring you knowledge to save the industry.

This is not a virus or anything, but you need to be connected to the net for it to work. You can come back and abuse me if this is something bad.

Go to your "run" command in windows(click on START, then RUN) and enter in "Telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl" [without the speech marks]
Sit-down, enjoy the whole of episode 4 in ASCII , grab some popcorn, and watch the future of epic adventures on screen.

No need for thanks. ;-)

Friday, October 21, 2005

The Aspiring ASS club

Update: 21/10/05
Okay, that was the worst name I could come up with, but I thought it had a nice ring to it. Baboom. Exit stage right.

The Aspiring Australian Screenwriters Society. ;-)

There is a few of us online now, and I just wanted to do a post and list them down with links so that if you have not met each other….go ahead, email, have a beer, complain about the Pom’s winning the Ashes……oh that’s right, at least two (I think) are former or current Pom's, who were lured over here by flashes of Kylie Minogue’s thighs on Neighbours….or was it Bea on Cell Block H that caught your fancy? Fess up guys.

Anyway, below are the guys I have come across, don’t know of any girls as yet, but I am sure we will find one around here somewhere. If there are anymore out there…..let me know! Sign up. Sign up!

Benefits of being part of a ASS.

Well, you’ll have someone to get drunk with, and moan that you had faithfully studied Poetics and the bastards still wont buy your screenplay, about the heroin addicted, sheep-shagging shearer from Sydney.

I think most of you live in Sydney, so you can also get together and beat-up the Surgeons Script Editor.

Without further ado:

http://www.konradwest.com/ Konrad - Sydneysider, going for his first novel and enjoys screenplays and long walks in the needle infested parks looking for inspiration and cheap women.

http://characterarc.blogspot.com/ - Security Dog…Sydneysider ..this guy is actually overseas at present talking to Hollywood...it may only be the sign, but it could be producers as well….he is actually doing what we want to…and he is a Pom. He probably drinks warm beer to. Best of luck with the script SD! Funny guy as well. His blog is worth the read, he lives a colorful life in Sydney!

http://screenwriting101.blogspot.com/ James, actually based in Melbourne. He is obviously the black sheep. Like me, not a young pup, working on screenplay, and generally learning writing, trying to keep wife happy while you lock yourself away, and try and explain why you are excited you found a way to cut those 5 pages without screwing up your story.
http://www.biki.net/blog/ : Blimps are cool -Stu, only found this one late yesterday actually, so have not chatted with him yet. Stu, if you stumble across this say g'day.
Found this one late yesterday afternoon, and did not get chance to update until now. So here you go.
http://chained.blogsome.com/ - Xander ( I think the Buffy reference jokes would have been done to death by now, so wont go there ;-) ) anyway, he is actually working in TV in Aus, on a childrens show, as a writer (bonus), and working on a spec. Interesting read from inside TV in Aus. Yes, it is all wonderful here, and we are just philistines for thinking that Aus TV and film is that bad at present. Enjoy.

Me, you’re here already. Living in Queensland, so I will see you all eventually when you retire and head north. Mwahahahahhaahahaa. Queensland really needs an evil overlord I think. Would add that extra quality we are missing, he could put everyone to work bending those banana’s.


Crowe VS Clooney

This article reproduced below:
Clooney ... raising more questions about Russell's integrity.

LET'S get ready to rumble. In what is now firmly established as Hollywood's battle of the heavyweights, the latest blow has been delivered in the bitter feud between Cinderella Man tough guy Russell Crowe and fellow Tinseltown giant George Clooney.Ocean's Twelve star Clooney has hit back at Ragin' Rusty for attacking him about his commercial endorsements - completing round four in the pair's series of public bust-ups this year.

"I don't like artists who attack other artists. I have a problem with that," Clooney said.
"Russell tried to pick a fight with me and I tried to make a joke out of it - but he came at me again."

Rusty, who's no stranger to the odd verbal or physical bout, rang the initial bell on the feud in February when he claimed Clooney and screen legends Harrison Ford and Robert de Niro had broken the "social contract" with their audiences by appearing in ads.

Clooney, who has appeared in ads for Martini, Fiat and Toyota, jumped straight off the canvas, firing back with a shot at Rusty and his band, 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts.

"I'm glad he set us straight. Harrison, Bob and I were putting a band together called Grunting For 30 Feet, and that would also fall under the heading 'bad use of celebrity'. Thanks for the heads up," Clooney said at the time.

In round three, Rusty again came out swinging, saying: "I had a good laugh when Clooney tried to compare doing ads for suits, a car and a drink to what I do as a musician. An endorsement is about money. My music is from the heart."

Who knows where this title fight could end up.
Personally, I think old Rusty has stepped in front of too many phones himself.
Too commercial? Breaking social contract with audience?
His music is from his heart......I have heard his music, it is from somewhere in his body, but I really suspect it is from an area about a foot and a half lower than his heart.
The $20 odd million or so a picture he earns is morally right?
I mean really, who is shitting who here?
Here's hoping Georgey boy comes out on top......and I cannot think of one reason why he wont.
PS yes, Crowe is an Australian citizen, but that does not stop you from being a dick.

Privacy concerns

Hi All,

Just read this article on Dave's not here.

If you live in the US, and have a drivers license...(yes, long shot I know).......you might want to check it out.

Not sure if it is a big concern, but I would not be that fussed to have it up there.

Monday, October 17, 2005


All my life I have worked in jobs where you had so much to do that you did not write everything down, as you did not have time to do even that, so you got real good at remembering things. Imagine dealing with a situation, that only takes about 2 mins to deal with and getting paged 6 times during that conversation. Just giving you an idea.

Anyway, have you ever forgotten an idea you really loved as you don't write it down. I hadn't until last week.

I freaked at first, as I really liked this idea, however, I calmed down and went with the flow, I knew it would come back.

It did, this morning at work. Can you say F*&^%$% yeah. Okay, the Priest in the corner does not have to.

Anyway, it is back, and just because I am human, I am writing it down........NOT because I am getting older. Don't say it! Just back away from that idea before someone gets hurt. Remember I believe in the Minigun method.

Okay back to having fun.

Friday, October 14, 2005

The Solution to the Slump you have been waiting for.

We’ve all seen the doomsday press articles on the slump in movie attendance this summer in the US. They have been proven wrong or not as bad as first suggested. However, one I saw the other day said that there was a definite slump in 18-24 males going to the movies as they are staying home and either playing video games or watching DVD’s. No surprise there really, sounds quite feasible.

Well you will be happy to know I have racked my brain, and come up with the solution that will rectify this situation. I believe that as is often the case these things are over-analyzed and the resulting remedies are more akin to developing NASA from the ground up, then of any real use.

So here it is, the big fix.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Yep. Even got you a chrome plated baby for anyone who doesn’t know what they look like.

Miniguns. That demographic loves ‘em. Yes, I hear you, but no, M16’s and such just wont do it. Double barreled sawn-off shotguns, they only work in English films directed by Guy Richie(that DON'T have Madonna in it)

Think about one of the most popular films…..Predator…what scene does everyone remember………the Minigun scene.

So, any film in trouble just needs their own Minigun scene!

All the studios need to do, is look at their lineup, and if there is any doubt on a movie……whack in a Minigun.

Simple and effective.

Let’s illustrate with a few examples.

Say you had problems on “Stuart Little 3: Worms in the Plane”, you keep the cute little plane, that’s a winner…..but add the Minigun….aahhhh see you get it now! Yep cats going left right and centre as Stuart starts ploughing fields through the city, and lets see that falcon dogfight him in the air now!

Lets go totally rightfield, or left or whatever the hell it is in baseball where you guys go…..Snakes on a Plane……..got some structure problems? But you have Snakes, and you have da man, Samuel Jackson……just add the goddamn Minigun…and hey presto, structure problems are fixed!

Damn all these new fandangled methods……we have a new one, the Minigun Method….I think I am going to patent that. If you don't like it, talk to the Minigun!

Okay lets keep going. Dukes of Hazard didn’t really set any denim hotpants on fire really did it? Add the Minigun to the General Lee…….babaam! Boss Hogg is now running scared!


Everything is being remade, so what is next?

Laverne and Shirley, with Squiggy, Lenny, and good ol’ Carmine. Having trouble getting going? No problem, add a Minigun into the fray with Squiggy and hijinks ensue!! Family fun at it’s best. Watch Carmine quickstep around that little baby!

Charles in Charge……….he is now with the, you guessed it! Minigun! See those kids move!

Even with new shows on TV this season, some are doing okay, others are wobbling, fix that wobble! Use the Minigun method.

Prison Break, doing okay from what I hear, but not breaking records. Add the Minigun!

Sex, Lies and Secrets – axed……see, should have Sex, Lies and Miniguns….surefire hit!

Killer Instinct and Night Stalker, you got it! Miniguns all round.

So there you have it. Dave’s surefire method to fix any problems with your movie.

I’m off to buy shares in Minigun replica companies.

No need for thanks.

I Looked

and unfortunately was not impressed.

The highlets of the first 15 mins I watched, which was about half the episode.

a. Intern, at least I think he was an intern, trying to put a needle for an IV, in a ladies arm. Guy is lucky it was on TV, in real life, he probably would have been decked the way he was going.

b. Main star....The Surgeon.....telling a nurse not to page her to sign paperwork for lab requests, she would do it in her own time.

Remember those are the highlights IMHO.

Was really looking forward to this, will give it a go next week and see if it gets any better.

Oh that's right, she also gave a withering look to the same nurse and intern, for standing around talking and laughing, and then she walked off. Woohoo.

It does not help that by chance, I caught a rerun of the pilot episode of Scrubs, the other day....and the first 15 mins .......wow.....yes, lots of laughs but you learn so much about the characters in that time. The pace is just so much quicker.

Chalk and Cheese.


Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Look

No not the 80's song, as in She's got the......ah don't worry about it..... ;-) and no, you don't want to see me dance and sing it. Imagine a furry Koala doing 80's covers....hmm very sad. Mind you, might get a chance to kick and scratch the crap out of Crazy Frog.....there could be medals in that!

Australian TV shows, they rarely seem to have what I call a look or style.....NYPD Blue had the dark, gritty look with the drunk's shakey camera style, Grey's Anatomy, has this blue-grey thing going on. Movies have it, and tv shows often make use of it in the states nowadays, well of the shows I catch anyway. Sitcoms don't seem to really go for it that much. You know what I am talking about.

In Australia, it really seems to be one look for most.....bright, high definition. That's it. maybe that is what most people like, who knows. A couple have tried things differently. I think McLeods Daughters is actually trying to keep a certain look. Frontline (if you want a top satire of a current affair show...SEE THIS SHOW ANYWAY YOU CAN - wink,wink nudge,nudge) from years ago had different camera focuses which gave it a distinct look, and I think the Sum of Us might have have had something going on as well, but I did not watch that show so can't confirm that. I may miss some that do have "a look" so don't sue me, but when you see shows like Country Practice, Home & Away, Blue Heelers, etc. they all seem to have the same basic look.

The reason I am writing this is that there is a new show that is coming on that I am actually excited about, and I normally don't get that excited about local drama. Sorry, just does not do it for me. Call me un-Australian but as I have gotten a bit older it just passes me by. McLeods Daughters can be quite good, especially when they let the writers loose on the male leads and show them being typical guys. They do get some of the classic Australian dry humour down pat in those moments.

This new one one though, The Surgeon seems to have a distinct look. Now, I am not excited about just the look, that caught my eye. It just makes me think that if they were able to do that on Australian budgets.....maybe it will be something different and worthwhile. It is only 8 episodes, but from what I can gather each episode is only 30mins long, but everything takes place within the operating room, and explores the working relationship the staff have with each other, as well as the cases obviously. Even though the eps are only 30 mins, hats off to Chennel 10 (no, we don't have 10 free-to-air channels it's a snake charmers trick to net potential immigrants I think) for trying something new.

I am really looking forward to seeing if they can pull it off. Will let you know how it is.
First episode tonight.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

A sad day

Time to remember a sad day from 3 years ago.

May they rest in peace.



Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Madscreenwriter and Mac's

I posted a while ago about product placements and one my main gripes was the prevelance of Mac's in the movies compared to PC's, whereas in the real world, PC usage far exceeds Macs.

Now I have never used a Mac, but I have heard good things about them, and one day might even try one, but for now I am happy enough using my home PC and work laptop...which will never be a Mac, unless I do actually become a full time writer...than I can pick and choose to my hearts content.....maybe.

Anywho..... The Madscreenwriter has a little post about Mac's in Movies and a theory from Roger Ebert, which actually makes sense, so if you like have a read.

The Madscreenwriter on Macs.


Snakes in a Plane(not gratuitous reference, but actually have good reason for using it)

So, it seems to me that everyone in the Scribosphere likes this title. I must admit, it makes me grin every time I read it as well.

As everything with Downunder we are a day ahead in time, and a year behind in a lot of other things….mainly TV…….we are only now getting the final seasons of Frasier…..and they wonder why downloading TV shows is popular down here!!

The reason I wanted to bring this one to your attention was the first part of this story, and bear in mind, this is the first story I have seen about this movie even mentioned down here in the MSM:

news story

This is it:

“A HOLLYWOOD film starring Samuel L. Jackson has been ridiculed as 'so bad it's good' by movie critics before it has even been completed.

Yet the horror flick Snakes on a Plane, due for release in 2006, has captured the imagination of movie fans across the world, who are clamoring to see it after it was derided on online movie forums.

The critic's feedback may be justified - according to the
Internet Movie Database, the movie's plot can be summarised in one sentence:

On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, let (sic) loose a crate full of deadly snakes.”

So, to rest of the world (or at least to this numpty reporter), when you can come up with a good logline (I am sure he does notknow that word even exists), it suddenly means you have a sub-standard film……since when did this happen????? As has been discussed in-depth by others more qualified than I, many, probably even most top films can be summed up in one sentence….and that is the appeal…..the premise is so simple, yet one that you want, maybe must see, as it is so compelling.

There is a section at the bottom where they are asking for people to come up with their own ideas for similar titles……but we already know the winner for the sequel…Alligators in a Helicopter! ;-)


Friday, October 07, 2005

I am disappointed with the Tabloids

Yes, for once I am.

I mean come on, where is the headline I have been waiting for?


I mean is there any other explanation?????????????????????????????????????? ;-)

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Good Advice I think

I read about the Screenwriters Network on Warrens site, www.screenwritinglife.com and went there for a look.

I found it very intersting and informative.

For any other newbies out there maybe have a read through this page:


It seems to me to be a very good quick rundown on everything, from binding, etc to format, structure, arcs, etc, etc.

From all that I have read, I think if you followed these tips, at the very minimum, you would avoid a lot of the traps us newbies fall into.

Just thought I would let you know about it.

Also, Scott the Reader (who raises Alligators whilst piloting helicopters) has made a very generous offer to anyone who wants some script notes on their screenplay. Look here:

http://alligatorsinahelicopter.blogspot.com/ Capitalism at its Worst post.

Face it Scott you are a nice bloke. How will you ever survive? ;-)

cheers for now

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

New Look

So there you go, even though I loved the white on black(which I did pick and I started this blog prior to Josh Friedman, so there was no fanboy adoration going on there!! Let me set that straight), and the AVO proves nothing.

Anyway, the little piccie I have above, is actually of where I grew up, Caloundra on the Sunshine Coast, in Queensland.

As you can see, I would have had a horrible childhood, and can draw on those horrors to feed my writing. Yes, grew up on 5 acres about 15 minute (at full tilt) bike ride, from what you see there. Yep, shocking. Don't know how my parents treated me like that. Clean (not always new) clothes, food on the table, I mean what is an aspiring writer to do when your parents treat you like that.

So, that will do it for me for any changes. If the font is to small or hard to read, let me know that is the main thing.


PS the comments are accessed by clicking on the numbers next to the post title, yeah got me at first to. Found this template somewhere on the web, so if you ever want a copy let me know.

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